Coke, The Not Energy Drink That’s Still Awesome

In the aftermath of a purchase of Rock Band, I find myself with an acute lack of money. Because of this, I am reviewing whatever I happen to have in my fridge today, which happens to be Coca-Cola. Now, you may be saying to yourself, in your whiny high-pitched 12 year old voice, “But Japanerd! Coke isn’t an energy drink, it’s just a soda!” Well I present to you, my friends, evidence to discount you claims that it’s not an energy drink. While it may not give you a massive buzz like Mountain Dew, it still has a large amount of sugar and caffeine. Do you know what sugar and caffeine does? It gives you energy. Shocking, eh?

Anyways, onwards and upwards to the review. Coke is a wonderful beverage. I mean, it’s the granddaddy of soft drinks, and it still has that great Coke taste. Screw Pepsi, given the option I’d choose a Coke over Pepsi any day. Anyways, I digress. Coke tastes great, and anyone who says otherwise deserves to be strung up naked in town square and by his own entrails, and flogged by his own festering, lying lungs until he is deemed purified, at which point he will be dragged around town behind a horse while passers-by will attempt to shoot him as many times as they can without killing him. Then he’ll die. Yeah, thats how it’ll go down.

Energy-wise, it’s effective, but needs to be consumed in large amounts if you’re looking for a significant boost. During the school year, I’ll generally drink a can of Coke in the mornings as a little pick-me-up, but it’s not something that will keep you up for long periods of time. If it’s any consolation, you can get two 44 ounce Cokes at your local convience store for about the same price a 16 ounce energy drink. All in all, I’d say that Coke, though not technically an energy drink, is definitely a winner in my book.